Sonnet Of The Wretched
by Beyond Dreamer
Summary: Now I must confess, I'm not the person you believe me to be. It's no surprise that I couldn't be what you wished I could have been. No. One. Knows. Me. I am toxic. Sick. - Chelsea Grin - REVISED


**A/N: I want to apologize the grammar in this story was really bad so I went over and tried to make it better. I'm going to be better about re reading and editing instead of just writing and posting from my phone. I want the chapters to be longer so I just reposted all of this as the first chapter and I plan on posting longer future chapters. I'm going to work on making sure the shit I write makes sense. Haha, sorry! Thanks for reading. =)**

Prologue.

"Vindel." The sound of her name was ignored as she stared out the large pane glass window. "Leave us." The news brought up to her was foreignly recognized. "How did you find me?" There were kids playing in the yard across from the brick complex she called home. She watched them, brother and sister playing, daily.

"Jane." Hearing the name of the person she used to be, from a voice she used to adore, was surreal. This moment crossed her mind once, and in that same fantasy, she vowed to never allow Maura to find her. Going as far as having a court legally change her name to Julianne Vindel. She took her mother's middle and last name as her own.

A gentle touch grazed her back- Taking her wrist, she swiftly forced Maura up against a wall face first. She cried out as she pulled her arm a little harder, threatening to take it out of socket. "How did you find me?" She repeated the words menacingly into her ear this time knowing exactly how she found her. "Tell me why I shouldn't put a bullet in your head right now."

"I did it to find you, Jane!" The Doctor cried out frantically. In the past, the former detective protected her at all cost. Now, she was being awakened to a very different present."I knew... I knew you'd go after them. I reached out to them to find you!" And now, she wouldn't hesitate ending her life if it suited her needs. "You have to belie-" The breath was knocked out of her as she was aggressively turned to face the woman she loved dearly.

Nothing could be felt and she remained silent as her hands went to work on the several buttons of the Doctor's clothing. She refused to meet the hazel eyes watching her every move. They watched as she removed everything, not stopping until she stood in just skin. "No wire, Jane."

The darkness in the eyes violently staring into hers brought a severity of fear she had never experienced before. There was little human left in this woman, and the way her hand came up to her throat, only confirmed her dark thoughts. "Their blood runs through your body." There was so much disgust and hatred with each syllable spoken. "Did you really think I wouldn't find out?" Their faces stayed a hairs breath apart, and all she could feel was the danger thickening the air around them. "Did the white Camry down the street drop you off?"

Confusion masked her face. "I parked here." She answered honestly feeling a great sense of relief at being released.

She was allowed to stay alive... for now.

The former detective walked back to the window. "They've been watching this building for two weeks now, but they're not sure if I'm here or not, are they?"

"They keep a file of you and this address was listed as your possible address."

"You may redress, Dr. Isles." The former detective momentarily pulled out a black cell phone, sending a brief message before walking out of the room. She was thankful for the moment of privacy as she slipped the discarded clothing back on, thinking of Jane. Her friend vanished off the face of the earth two years before, and yes, she did something extreme, but it was the only way to find her.

"Oh Jane." A painful whisper escaped her as she looked toward the sound of a crying infant. She followed the sound into the room Jane had walked into moments before. Grabbing the baby from the small carriage in the corner, she spoke softly to the little girl in an attempt to ease her discomfort. "What are you planning to do with her?"

"I don't know." It never ceased to amaze her how well the medical examiner was with children.

"Her mother hasn't slept since you took her."

Leaning back against the wall, she couldn't take her eyes off the two. "I followed Diane Doyle for nearly two months before she gave birth." She spoke with no emotion, and her tone became more quiet, tired. "I was waiting for the right moment to take the baby out of her myself." Maura looked up horror stricken. "But I wanted him to be with her a little while first. Hold and kiss her, grow attached- I wanted him to suffer as much as I have, and it won't stop with Eleana Doyle. I plan to kill his wife and anyone else who worked with him and your... Father."

"You can't hurt her Jane." The plea meant little to her. The baby's fate was undetermined, but she was unpredictable. On a whim, she could cut the infant's life short, and staring into eyes hard as steel, the possibility of the baby's safety wasn't good. "Promise me you won't hurt her Jane."

The phone in her hand went off before she could deny the medical examiner a promise. "Hey Tommy." She greeted stoically before a menacing grin shaped her lips. "Put the driver on the phone please. Hello, I'm letting you know today is the last day of your life. You've been sitting in a car outside of my apartment building with plates registered to Darrel Boyle. I have his baby and niece at my disposal as well." Maura looked away as if being physically slapped across the face. "Their fate is undecided unlike yours. I want you buried alive, and I know the family you're involved with like leaving little puzzles behind. Well, here's my message. I want your dental records sent to Darrel Doyle and I want them extracted from your mouth before you're buried alive. Give Tommy my love."

"Are you also holding me captive?" The baby was sucking quietly on the doctor's finger tip as she lightly swayed the infant from side to side. Jane hadn't sat still since hanging up with her victim. She moved around the room gathering various items into a bag. "Planning what kind of message to use with me?"

"Dr. Isles you're free to leave whenever you want. I never planned on abducting and hurting you. You knew what you were risking coming here." Maura could only watch her, always searching for any trace of the woman she once knew. "You're Patrick Doyle's daughter, head of a Irish crime mob, and second in command is your uncle Darrel Doyle. He thought it'd be a good idea to avenge his brother's death." At this point, it seemed Jane was talking to herself and with her own words fanned the growing flames of her hatred. "It wasn't."

"We could have done things differently, Jane." She tried to reason with her as she pulled out a few different guns from a special locked up case. "You, Korsak, Frost, we could have brought them to justice-"

"No, it wouldn't have been enough." She didn't want them rotting in a jail cell. The day she turned in her badge and gun was the day she became one of them. Over night, she woke up a person she swore to protect the community from. She stopped being the good guy, and justice to her was no longer based on traditional standards. She had her own justice system to abide by and she would hurt or kill anyone based on those standards.

That meant Maura too.

She walked out of the single bedroom and into the kitchen, opening the fridge. No, she never planned on abducting Maura but the idea was a dark fantasy she fought very hard against. The temptation overwhelmed her after finding out she had joined the Doyle Irish mob, frequently plaguing her thoughts. Along with mourning the deaths of her mother, father, and brother, she became infuriated with feelings of rage and betrayal. A part of her roared she had to pay, she had to make her suffer like the few before her, and another part swore she could never hurt Maura. "I have to go." She handed the quiet woman a warm bottle already knowing she would stay with the infant in her absence. Their eyes locked for a moment, and she could see the silent plea in the gentle hazel, and for just a second a previous life came to mind, one where she was happy and could feel the heart in her chest, and then it was all gone.

Chapter 1

**A woman with wet red eyes answered the light rasps at the door. The greeting she received was the same cold expression directed towards her earlier. "Can we talk?" There was a bit of a plea in her tone. Dark eyes softened at seeing the pain etched onto the face of a woman with little composure. At any moment, she could fall completely apart at her feet. **

**The doctor in mourning seemed hesitant, debating whether to allow her in or not. "Come in." The reply was so soft, so delicate, she sounded so torn apart. **

**The detective didn't wait for her friend to finish closing the door before she started. "Maura I'm-" **

**"You don't understand, Jane." She was cut off listening to the anguish and turmoil of a dear friend. All she wanted was to ease the pain so clearly evident, but felt helpless against the crashing waves of vicious accusation. "You don't understand what you've done."**

**"I was trying to protect you!" How did she not see that? Why was she being so unreasonable? "Do you really think I'd watch Gabriel die and not fire?! For Christ's sake he shot Gabriel, Maura!' **

**"Yes, he did." There was no argument in her tone. "He shot Agent Dean before he could kill him." The tears were slowing down leaving the doctor angry at the woman standing a few feet away from her. "What was he doing there anyway, Jane? Why was Agent Dean there?!" She demanded needing to understand why he had to die. "Why, Jane?" **

**"I don't know." Answering gently, she went to the shaky woman and welcomed her into her arms, holding her tightly. **

**"I- I - His blood Jane, his blood is the same blood running through me. We're blood- I've never known that feeling before." **

**"I know, Maura. But in the end, it was for the best." **

**The body in her arms stiffened, and a second later she was caught in an accusing stare, drowning in the wall of another violent wave. "For the best? How is his death for the best?!" **

**"Maura, whatever you saw in him was a fantasy. He's an Irish mob crime boss! Do you realize how many enemies he has? There's a whole list of people waiting to capture and kill you based on who your father is! He stayed out of your life for a reason and him coming back only put you in danger. With him gone, you're safe." **

**"And killing him was for you to decide?" She asked darkly pushing away from the stunned detective."H- his hands..." The tears were back, but fury replaced the sadness behind them. "They were going into the air as you... As.. you shot him. He was surrendering, Jane! B- but you still... You still killed him-" **

**"I was protecting you!" She reminded defensively. "Maura-"**

**"No!" She fell to the ground burying her face into her hands. "Just leave, Jane." **

**"Mau-"**

**"Go!" **

**Yes, the doctor was sad, very sad and miserable, but Jane had no regrets. Patrick Doyle couldn't stay alive and build a relationship with the woman broken on the ground. And Maura was right, she did decide to kill him, but the doctor had a veil over her eyes. All she saw was a bullet piercing through her father, and Jane couldn't seem to convince her of the truth.**

**The doctor only saw what she wanted to believe. **

**The days that followed were tense and distant. They spoke to each other only as colleagues, seeking each other out out of desperation for a case. Jane stopped apologizing, and Maura stayed quietly to herself refusing to forgive the detective. The dark haired woman hated the situation, but stood firm behind her decision. They weren't on good terms, but Maura was safe, and that's all that mattered.**

The night air seemed lighter, cleaner, out in the country side. The setting of the crime was magnificent. Standing in a large clearing near mountains, the spot chosen was a burned down cabin site. Thick brush occupied the abandoned space camouflaging an approaching fatality.

"Please, please let me go! I'll skip town! I'll do anything!"

"You like listening to this, Tommy?" Looking over at her brother, hard at work with a shovel, she watched a big smile turn his lips. He was all she had left. They bonded over the need to avenge their family's death. He was just as angry and hungry for vengeance as she was.

"Yeah, the more he begs the more encouraged I am to make this hole deeper. It's kinda like painting with the radio on my favorite station."

Jane smiled turning her attention to the assailant's vehicle. The car was suspicious from the start. Their neighborhood consisted of mostly lower income families. The Camry seemed too nice to be sitting on the street as often as she saw it. No one ever got in or out of the car, and when she ran the plates, her suspicions were confirmed.

"Ryan Doyle." She spoke while working, searching every inch of the car, and coming across many different tools. "Tranquilizer gun." She examined the weapon and then set it down. "You boys wanted me alive." She concluded while digging through a duffel bag. "I guess me being dead wouldn't help Eleana, would it?"

"Where is she?!" He fearfully demanded.

"Now isn't the time to worry about her, Ryan." She walked back to her own vehicle and popped open the trunk. "You have your own problems." Pulling out a small black bag, she pulled the zipper opened and smiled wickedly. "My brother won't be having all the fun tonight."

"You got the blood, I got the mud." He chuckled. "I win, sis."

"Yes, I do have the blood." She agreed pulling out the small silver instrument. "Ryan, these are rib cutters." She closed their distance giving the pale man a good look at the autopsy tool. "They're used to cut through the rib cage when we perform autopsies." She stared at them and this strange new excitement filled her. "We are going to use them inside of your mouth."

"No! Please, ill do anything!" He was openly crying now. The pathetic man on the ground seemed to be in his early 30's with a skinny tall build. He sat on his knees, hands and feet expertly tied together with rope, in a very uncomfortable way.

Staring at the cool silver in the moonlight, her eyes flickered over to his. "You know, I'm feeling generous all of a sudden." She dropped the scary instrument from his face. "I can get you out of here and have a cell ready for you tonight if you tell me everything you know about Dr. Isles."

Questioning his tormentor wasn't a good idea, he began to speak about the smart woman with confusion. "She showed up one day at my uncle Darrel's house. She was crying and upset, and and." He thought back remembering being there playing cards with a few of the boys. "This was the second time we saw her. The first was at uncle Patrick's funeral, but she didn't say too much." The significance of the smart woman, he met as his cousin, was lost on him, but he continued in an attempt to save his life. "She would come over and ask questions, she wanted to know everything about uncle Patrick's life. For awhile she stopped coming, but then she came back. She wanted to help us avenge Uncle Patrick. She knows so much, Uncle Darrel welcomed her into the family with open arms and... And then I saw her walk into your apartment building. I didn't know what the hell she was doing, I thought maybe she was finally going to kill you. That's all she would ever talk about- I- Is she still alive?" He doubted it. She was refreshing and everyone liked having her around. It was a shame her life was cut short at the hands of a monster.

Jane shared a look with Tommy, and her brother looked as If he could kill. She knew the feeling. Lifting her boot, she pressed it against her victim's chest, pushing him onto his back. He panicked once again, eyes wide and wild. "You said-"

"I lied." She returned to the trunk of her black Volkswagen Jetta. Inside of a sport's bag was protective clothing, she zipped up a white suit, slipped on white gloves, and placed a helmet on the crown of her head, shielding her eyes with an attached face guard. "You're death is going to be painfully slow." She explained stuffing dental padding into the back of his mouth. "And I'm going to enjoy every minute of it."

His screams were brutal and the blood painted the ground red. There were moments he would choke on the thick fluid running from extracted gums; it ran from them like water rushing from a tub faucet. He eventually passed out from the pain. Annoyed, she wanted to stop, wake him up, and then continue but decided against it.

There was so much left to do.

Dental records successfully removed, she placed them in a clear plastic bag and then threw them carelessly into the trunk. The next objective was to help Tommy throw the body into the makeshift grave. Grabbing the semi conscious man's upper half, Tommy took the bottom and the loud thud of his body hitting the hard ground was gratifying beyond belief. They buried him alive, and she couldn't stop the glee bringing a smile to her lips. An unexplainable joy filled her watching his body slowly disappear.

It was heaven.

The drive back to Boston was long and tiring. They stopped at a cheap motel along the way, daylight postponing the next part of their plans, they decided to improvise.

Tommy walked into the room with bags from a nearby grocery store. They all contained an assortment of liquor bottles. Walking out of the bathroom, clean from a shower, Jane didn't hesitate grabbing the blue vodka bottle. She sipped it like beer, not wincing at the taste. Beer was replaced with heavy liquor after the death of her family, she'd drink it often mostly after killing someone.

As the hours flew, the alcohol bottles piled up in the small waste basket, overflowing onto the floor. They drank, drink after drink, bottle after bottle, silently. Both lost in their own thoughts, in a motel room 30 minutes outside of Boston, her mind raced in a drunken fog. Maura plagued her thoughts, sitting in a drunken stupor, watching her brother watch mindless reality tv, she wanted to laugh.

Was this the meaning of life? She thought with drunken sarcasm. Did she finally find the tree of life? Was it hiding in a cheap motel room? Life was hilarious.

She'd never stop laughing.

A cop turned murderer.

Hilarious.

Three AM crept up on the two drunk adults. Ignoring their intoxicated minds, they left eager to finish the job.

Everything faded in and out, how they completed the task was a miracle. Actually, she pondered hard trying to recall finishing the job, and had the hardest time getting the key to fit in the door.

Finally inside, she began removing her clothing in the darkness, her body begging for rest, she couldn't remember the last time she had slept in the comfortable king sized bed. The sheets felt cool against her naked skin, unconsciously she reached under the bed, grabbing the small hand gun there.

Bringing it up under her pillow, she closed her eyes oblivious to the hazel eyes watching her sleep.

Jane slept on top of the covers fully naked. There seemed to be something awful on her mind, the doctor noted examining the face turned in her direction. The expression revealed a deep inner conflict, and the way her lips trembled told her she was freezing. She didn't see Jane grab the gun, but in an attempt to cover the former detective's body with the blanket she'd been using, she was soon introduced to it.

Jane's body instinctively reacted to the faintest touch to her skin. Within a second, she went from being fast asleep to being on top of the woman sharing her bed. Maura's hazel eyes seemed frozen with fear as she pressed the gun to the side of her throat. The alcohol was very much in her system and it made it harder to ignore the darkness lurking beneath her skin. Ryan's words came to mind, and as their eyes stayed locked and time stilled, there was a war raging inside of her.

"You shouldn't have come here." She dropped the gun over the side of the bed and gave into her exhaustion. There was so much to think about, and without realizing it, she had allowed the doctor's hands to urge her taunt body down over her own. The energy simply wasn't there, her body couldn't handle war, it begged to rest, not fight. Nuzzling deeper into the warmth of the body beneath her, she fell into a deep sleep.

Sleep never corrupted her very conscious mind, how could it? Sprawled across her petite frame lied former detective Jane Rizzzoli. Sleeping deeply, she'd occasional hear a whimper or feel the taller body abruptly constrict around her own, seemingly terrified of letting go. "It's okay, Jane." She'd use her hands to sooth the stiff muscles of her back, pressing gentle fingertips into warm skin. "You're alright. I have you, honey. You're alright." Amazingly, Jane never stirred awake. Her body would slightly relax and she'd continue breathing soft and even in a seemingly unpredictable dream state.

Not long after watching the sunrise through the plain beige curtain, the corner of the room began to come awake, crying as she did so. A dark head rose suddenly, and the doctor was met with a very alarmed and confused woman.

"Wha-" A groan escaped her as a jolt of pain appeared out of nowhere attacking hungover brain cells. Catching sight of her nakedness, her head snapped up with a start, the pain all of a sudden ignored. Her lips parted to speak but they were stopped by the hands moving to her body, gently urging her onto her back, covering her with a blanket.

"Go back to sleep, Jane." The orders were spoken softly as the woman she had fallen asleep with slipped out of bed and crossed the room. The baby was okay, Maura was okay- "My gun?!" She tried to sit up too quickly and regretted it as another wave of pain washed over her.

"You don't need it, Honey." The voice was soothing and it was hard to fight against her body's need for rest. "I'm here, ill watch out for you. Just sleep, Jane. Just sleep and everything will be okay." The demands were relentless and she didn't stand a chance with the soothing voice in the early morning air luring her back into darkness.

Holding the infant, watching the sleeping woman clutch onto a pillow, she couldn't help but think of her naked form. The bones of her ribs were too profound and she seemed borderline anorexic, the darkness around her eyes an indication of severe insomnia, and the very apparent paranoia made her hostile and untrusting.

Jane wasn't sleeping or eating, but as she examined the small helpless infant, she was relieved to find a happy healthy baby in her arms. "Let's get you together, sweet girl." As quietly as she could, she placed the baby safely in the middle of the bed before quickly dashing to the closet.

The small walk in was as bear as the rest of the one bedroom apartment. Jane had a few outfits, a couple pairs of shoes, and not much else. The baby's things were in a corner near the door. A pack of diapers, wipes and a few onsies was the extent of her belongings.

Grabbing everything for the baby, she went back to the beautiful child. The little head of hair was a golden shade, her eyes big and blue staring up at her with glee, kicking her feet as she tickled the soft skin of her belly. "Who's a beautiful little girl, who? You, that's right!"

Dark eyes watched them silently from across the bed. Maura's voice had been quiet, barely audible. Being a light sleeper, she heard every word and had to watch what she was listening to. Stealing the baby wasn't hard at all, she risked her life stepping into Darrel Doyle's home, but she had a wonderful accomplice who simply unlocked the front door in the late hours of the night, and then gave her the okay to come in.

Funny thing was, it wasn't the well dressed doctor sleeping on the couch who appeared at the door. Before setting her risky plan into action, she had been informed of everyone fast asleep in the notorious crime boss' home. She had to physically see her to believe she was there. Asleep in the home of her family's killer, she stood over her, watching her. A familiar feeling boiled in the pit of her stomach. She had to force herself to walk away before she blew her cover by strangling the sleeping woman she once considered family.

'Jane, she's up here.' The hushed voice dragged her away from the several dark fantasies, saving the sleeping woman's life. The sight never left her mind's eye and she couldn't help but ponder the irony of it all. Was this her attempt at pay back for shooting Patrick? Was the near stranger, a crime boss and murderer, worth throwing away everything between them? She spent the next few days adjusting to life with a 3 month old trying to convince herself it didn't matter what Maura chose to do with her life.

Since turning in her gun and badge she vowed to never see the knowledgeable woman again, focusing on the young child, and her many tasks, mapping out each and every strategic move carefully. The only foggy part of her operation was the baby, but as she watched the doctor playfully coo and kiss the infant's face and belly- The child's fate suddenly became clear to the pensive woman.

As if feeling the heat of her stare, Maura's demeanor instantly changed as she looked up. "You're so comfortable with her." Jane was all of a sudden wide awake and out of bed. "Were you in the delivery room with all of them, Dr. Isles?"

The question made her uncomfortable, the way Jane spoke and stared made her fidget nervously. Lying was a bad idea since she couldn't lie, and being honest could be the end of her life. The former detective could only stare not caring about her openly naked form. All she wanted was an answer. "I- yes I was at the hospital when Eleana was born." So she gave her one.

"And were you there when my family was being slaughtered?"

Maura remained speechless as the words pierced through her heart like several sharpened knives. Staring into pure raw hatred, the question made the air around them thick with uncertainty, and for the life of her she couldn't stop the tears. "I loved them too, Jane!" How could she question that even for the slightest second? "They were my family too! And I loved them so much..." Desperately, she crossed the room needing to make her understand-

Jane grabbed her needy arms and kept her frozen in place by putting just enough pressure to get the point across. "Keep your filthy hands off me." The face she stared Into had no intentions of calming, soothing, or easing her cries- They were cruel wanting to hurt her more, but releasing her instead.

Trying to muster what little composure remained, feeling embarrassed, and shaky, she stopped Jane before she could disappear into the walk in. "I-I need to grab a few things for Eleana around town." She explained after using her hands to wipe away the remaining wetness on her cheeks. "But I'll be bac-"

"I'm coming with you." The former detective decided leaving no room for argument. Not questioning the taller woman, Maura silently scooped the baby up from the bed and left Jane to shower and change. Wearing a plain gray v-neck and sweats from Jane's wardrobe, she wished she had the luxury of changing into something more... herself, but didn't dwell too long on the petty matter.

There were bigger things to dwell on, she sadly mused grabbing a ready bottle from the fridge and warming it in the microwave. "Are you hungry, sweet girl?" Like why Jane had insisted on going with her. Maybe she thought she'd never come back- The idea was quickly dismissed. 'You shouldn't have come here.' The words played in her head like a catchy torturous song. "She hates me." She spoke to the little infant while bringing the bottle up to her tiny lips. "But.. I can't leave her, not like this. She needs me." Sitting on the couch, watching the baby hungrily suckle down the formula, she used the tip of her index finger to stroke her soft face. "And you need me." Once done, she lifted the delicate small body up to her shoulder and began patting her back. "I won't let her hurt you, sweet baby. I'd die first."

There was so much uncertainty when it came to the young infant. Jane's mind was confidential and it'd be pointless to try to get anything out of it. She enjoyed keeping her in the dark, leaving her to wonder what would happen next at any given second.

Jane didn't trust her.

Lost in an array of fast moving concerns and emotions, the creek in the door as it opened wasn't heard, neither was the boot clad footsteps approaching. "Let's go, Dr. Isles." She stoically commanded missing the way the doctor, who held a sleeping infant, slightly jumped startled by the unexpected sound of her name.

They left the one bedroom apartment in silence and continued that way down the steep staircase. Maura held onto the little infant tightly, terrified of the poor conditioned floor falling through. The four story brick building seemed abandoned and extremely faulty, each step was like walking over thin ice. "Are you the only one who lives here?"

"There's one other tenant." The response was vague and she had to stop herself from pressing the subject. Jane would only tell her what she wanted her to know. There were only two out of the several vacant apartments occupied in, what should have been, a building torn down for being far too hazardous for anyone to step foot in.

It was genius.

Anyone looking for the former detective would have to search very, very hard to find her. "I'm going to meet you by the car." She spoke as they made it to the first floor. "I- No, I'll walk you out first and then come back in for a second." She quickly corrected walking out the exit door. The reason for the change of mind became all too apparent.

Unlocking the blue Toyota Prius, she took a seat, driver side, with the infant in her lap. Watching Jane's paranoia in all of its glory, she walked around the nearly deserted parking lot, gun in hand, and crept around to the front and all of the sides of the building carefully.

Fully clothed, the extent of her weightloss was more prominent as she noticed the plain black v neck she would wear comfortably all the time, baggy and loose, on her starved frame. "When did you stop eating?" She spoke out loud to herself watching Jane disappear through the beat down door of the building.

Walking past several run down doors in the weak light of the sun filtering through one small window at the end of the hall, she stopped at room number 4 A, knocking before entering on her own accord. There was a light sheen of smoke polluting the air of the fully furnished room. Tommy sat with two large men and a few ladies lacking decent clothing. "Hey James and Eugine." She greeted the men she had grown to know as something close to friends.

"Hey, Vindel." The two men were criminals in all sense of the word, sporting eye drop tattoos and other jail house images all over their bulky frames. Arrested numerous times for violent and drug related crimes, she quickly came to realize they were good at what they did best and Tommy didn't hesitate recruiting them to help whenever they needed assistance in a task. "I need to talk to you."

"Alright, sis." Her brother urged the protesting young blonde off his lap before getting up. "What's up, Janie?" Sipping the bud light with one hand, closing the bedroom door with the other, he turned facing his sister whose attention was out the window.

"I don't remember much about last night." She admitted satisfied enough to remove her eyes from the cruel world and focus them on Tommy. "Fill me in."

"Wow, I knew you were drunk but not that drunk. You drove just fine and parked his car down the street like planned, left the keys in the door and kept his teeth on the dashboard. Mission accomplished." He grinned and then quickly became serious. "When are we getting Maura?"

"I'll take care of her."

"Really?" He took another sip of his beer. "Eugene said he found a girl wondering around, she asked him for you so he brought her up. It kinda sounded like Maura from what he told me. That's her car out in the lot. You guys playing sleep over again?" He sounded angry. "She could have been the one who gave these fuckers the names and addresses of our brother, mother and father and you're up there playing house with her?! We hear last night she wants you dead and you're just gonna give her the opportunity? Don't let ME see her Jane-"

Now it was her turn to become angry. "Lay a finger on her and I swear on ma's grave you'll get it worst than Darrel Doyle himself." She warned menacingly pausing at the door to look back at him. "Got it, Tommy?"

"Yeah." He took another sip. "I got it." He mumbled. "Don't really understand it but I got it."

"Good." She stared a second longer before continuing. "We need to find a new place. Throw them off track. Think you can handle that?" He silently nodded. "I'm going to grab a few things in town. Keep an eye out on things while I'm gone." He gave her an okay watching her leave.

He stayed a few moments alone in the bedroom worried about his sister. This wasn't smart and they both knew it. No one could be sure about the doctor's intentions and his sister seemed to throw all caution out the window allowing her to even know where they lived. "Hope you know what you're doing sis." He muttered reaching for the handle. "Because I sure as hell don't."

The heat of the sun was a foreign sensation, she normally enjoyed it behind the glass of her bedroom window. All needs were taken care of at night in local 24 hour drug stores. The day was beautiful with a clear blue sky, it'd be perfect for jogging or sitting outside, maybe at a cafe or park. The memories of doing those things with the doctor were vague. "You have to get rid of this car." Nonexistent, she thought turning to look at the woman who silently drove.

"I know." As much as she wanted to refuse, as much as she loved her car, changing Jane's mind was pointless. The former detective knew what she was doing. Even in the dark, she trusted the former detective had their best interest in mind.

They pulled into a Toyota dealership deciding, well Jane decided, to make that the first priority of their outing. The salesman was a kind, short, chubby guy who spoke smoothly, more than ready to take their money. "Look at the little baby, how precious!"

"Let's just look at some cars." Walking past the salesman, baby in arms, she silently walked with Maura periodically looking over her shoulders, and thoroughly examining everyone coming in and out of the parking lot.

Jane stopped along with Maura at a silver coop like vehicle. The doctor walked around speaking before the salesman had a chance. "The engine is a 1.8L in-line four-cylinder DOHC with variable valve timing and four valves per cylinder, EPA 08, 27 MPG city, 33 MPG highway, 29 MPG combined and 322 mi. range. Multi-point fuel injection, 11.1gallon fuel tank, Power 128 hp at 6,000 rpm 125 ft lb of torque at 4,400 rpm." She looked up at the seemingly surprised man sporting a red Toyota polo shirt. "We'll take this Scion XD."

Taking a seat at a small cubicle office, she handed the baby over to Maura and took care of the paper work. "We're putting it in my name." She explained filling out each sheet as Julianne Vindel. "But it's your car."

"Okay." Again, she had to bite her tongue deciding to go along with whatever Jane wanted.

"You girls have such a beautiful family." The chubby man they knew as Kyle complimented beginning to coo at the 5 month old. "What's her name?"

"Eleana." Maura answered affectionately kissing the side of her face. The salesman went on to talk about the baby him and his wife recently had. Filling out a check for nearly 20,000 dollars, she listened as Maura began speaking about the baby as if she were her daughter.

They finally finished up and she gave Maura the keys to the new Scion XD. Taking a seat with the baby in her lap, holding her close, reintroducing the small captive to the outside world was never imaginable. Maura finding her was unexpected and the three of them lingering outside of the apartment was terrifying. The idea of Maura taking the baby out regularly didn't sit well with her. Riding silently, she frequently checked all of the mirrors of the car to make sure no one followed them.

"I could have wrote the check myself, Jane." Despite the enthusiasm that came with talking about Eleana, she had felt bad watching Jane hand out a large sum of money for a vehicle that was supposedly meant for her.

"I collected three separate life insurance checks, Dr. Isles." There was a bitterness as she spoke, but then it disappeared, and she seemed casual and in control of her emotions again. "You can't leave anywhere without me knowing." The rules were being set into stone and there was no changing them. "And I will have to be there with you."

"I thought I wasn't your prisoner." On top of being kept in the dark about everything, Jane was putting limitations on her freedom. She couldn't follow along with this one not without an explanation.

"That was before I killed Ryan." Suddenly, his voice appeared and she stared at the topic of their conversation, becoming disgusted. "How did you tell them you would kill me? I want all the details of your plan to avenge Patrick Doyle's death. Are we in the middle of your grand scheme right now? You could have done it last night, ya know? I was so drunk you could have just got what you wanted right-"

"Stop!" The doctor screamed the plea not being able to the stand the hurtful words. They brought tears to her eyes, was Jane listening to herself? Did she really think she was capable of ending her life? Of wanting her gone for eternity? "I had to be believable around them. They knew I worked with you, I had to make them believe I wanted what they wanted to stay alive within them. If they suspected I cared even the slightest bit about you, they would have killed me on the spot."

"You never answered my question, Dr. Isles." She reminded darkly not caring for the few tears slipping from her eyes. "How did you tell them you would kill me?"

"Generalized hypoxia of the tissues and organs." Again, she gave the former detective what she wanted. "Asphyxiation. I told them I would smother you until you went into cardiac arrest, and then pallor mortis, a paleness which happens in the 15–120 minutes after death." She sighed not wanting to continue but doing so anyway. " I would wait and watch your body go through the remaining stages of livor mortis, a settling of the blood in the lower portion of the body, algor mortis, the reduction in body temperature following death. This is generally a steady decline until matching ambient temperature, and then finally rigor mortis, which you are familiar with."

"Generalized hypoxia of the tissues and organs." She repeated slowly wanting to taste the words out herself. "I've always imagined coming behind you in the early morning, sometime when the sun and the moon are both high in the sky. I put my hand just under your chin and tilt your head up to meet my eyes. I've fantasized of watching the life drain from your shocked eyes, seeing the question 'why' burned brightly into them as I slowly put a knife to your throat, cutting the skin there. I enjoy feeling your blood drench my hands as I hold your body. I hold you to me for just a few seconds as you slowly go limp against me. I then release you, and you die sinking to my feet in a puddle of your own blood." She watched the victim in her fantasy the entire time, loving the visible discomfort she instilled in her. "What are you thinking, Dr. Isles?"

"I-I," Her lips parted and closed several times in an attempt to answer, but she couldn't get anything out as the images of her own murder replayed in her head. "You've thought about it a lot." She came to realize parking the car at the curb of a notorious shopping hot spot. Sitting there, watching the diverse citizens of Boston bustle about the city, she was too numb to do anything more than stare. Feeling the eyes intently watching her, she couldn't help but wonder what lied behind them. "I wish none of this would have ever happened, Jane. He should have just stayed away." She thought about Patrick. How different her life would have been had he stuck to his vow to never interfere with her or her life, she sadly mused. "I wish you still saw me as a friend." She met an uncaring gaze and knew right away her words held no value to the former detective.

Wrapping her hand around the handle of the door, "Let's just get this over with." She spoke failing to express how angry the words had made her. They had to get out of the close confines of the car. Losing all control, lashing out, baby forgotten, she had the urge to take hold of a woman she once adored and hurt her in a fit of violent outrage.

How dare she even say the word 'friend' around her? No friend would ever put a fucking stranger before someone they claimed to love as family, especially a murder. Gabriel Dean died and she never made it to his funeral, but she was there for Patrick, and Darrel and the rest of the irish mob she claimed as her blood.

Fucking disgusting.

They could never be friends again.

Quietly strolling through the Prudential center of Boston, a notoriously large shopping site, Maura caught a wift of a nearby bistro and couldn't resist the delicious appealing aroma filling her senses. "Eleana needs to be fed and changed." She began walking in the bistro's direction. "We can take care of her here and then grab a bite to eat."

Jane agreed following her inside, she grabbed a table in the far corner while Maura headed to the bathroom with Eleana. Alone at the table, she began examining the activity of the room, looking for anything suspicious or out of the ordinary. Being completely on edge since leaving the car, the large crowds of the Prudential center had her on the verge of panic. She didn't know how to coexist with everyday people, forgot what it was like to be one of them, forgot what it was like to protect them.

Maura and Eleana soon joined her, but she might as well have sat by herself. The doctor spoke softly to the baby, telling her the history of the bistro, and then moving onto the history of the shop across from them, and then the history of how the Prudential center became the Prudential center. The waitress with soft brown eyes immediately took notice to the gorgeous little girl. "She's so cute!" The teenager couldn't resist, placing the menus on the table. "What can I get you guys to drink?"

Maura ordered iced tea and then Jane ordered coffee. "Did you guys need a baby seat?"

"We'll hold onto her." Jane answered dismissing the young girl from their table. She really needed coffee, she felt so worn out, like she could sleep for days. The drinks came out quick and she began sipping the hot bitter liquid immediately listening to Maura order a burger with fries. "And what can I get for you?"

"Nothing." She handed the waitress her menu and then went back to the steaming coffee. Maura started telling the baby story after story, filling her young mind with information most adults didn't know. She had this strange image of how the little girl Eleana would grow up with Dr. Isles. Instead of a child who asked a million questions, she'd be a child who knew everything. A mini encyclopedia in the making.

A large burger was set on the table and Jane offered to take the baby while the doctor ate. "You guys have such a beautiful family, you look so perfect together."

"Thank you." The doctor smiled kindly, inwardly feeling awkward and uncomfortable. The first compliment from the salesman hadn't been so bad, he kind of just kept talking making it easy to ignore the statement completely. Living in Massachusetts, seeing same sex couples and their children was nothing out of the ordinary.

She never thought she'd be one of them.

There were moments when she'd occasionally think of a life with an amazing husband and children who shared their DNA, who equally resembled both of them, and here she sat with former detective Jane Rizzoli. A serial killer holding a small infant who had been ripped out of the arms of her real family by the woman who had recently confessed her murder fantasy to her in all of its bloody details- Was this really her life? She questioned in amazement watching Jane, watching her stare out the window caught up in her own mind, absently feeding Eleana who laid nestled safely in her arms.

She could leave, she really could, getting on the next flight to meet her parents in England would be very easy to accomplish.

All of the madness could be left behind, forgotten.

The problem,

She didn't want to leave Jane, didn't want to forget her.

"This is way too much for me to eat alone." She spoke to the wondering woman for the first time since being in the car. "Please take some of it." Jane's body desperately needed food, how she managed to function throughout the day without fainting was astonishing. "Please take some," She repeated as she shook her head no. "For me?"

Regretting the words at the sight of Jane's astonishment, she had no idea where they came from. Maybe it was years of old habit reappearing at the worst possible time. "You're alive and even that's pushing it." The former detective clarified, but in contrast to her words, she took half of the burger into her free hand and brought it to her mouth eating quietly.

The doctor hid her triumph well, happy to see Jane eating, even If her bites were small, and even though she seemed disinterested in finishing the meal, it was a small step, but a step none the less, in the right direction.

Off in the distance, a soft clicking sound caught her attention and something inside of her snapped. In one fluid motion, baby sleeping soundly in one arm, she used her free hand to grab the gun tucked away in her waistband. "Wait," A hand grasped her arm and she turned her frantic gaze to concerned hazel ones. "Calm down, just look."

Following the doctor's eyes to a table of teenager's, she watched them take several pictures with a professional camera. The hand on her arm quickly withdrew itself as she slightly relaxed thankful she was stopped before taking out the gun. The madness that would follow was an exhausting thought. "I'm going to pay the ticket." Maura took the sleeping infant and followed Jane with her eyes to the front windows of the bistro.

She quickly finished her food and then met up with her. It was very apparent Jane wasn't comfortable with crowds of people all around. She seemed like a turtle without its shell, and she wanted so bad to reach out and comfort her, but she wouldn't want that either. Shopping with Jane was like being with a body guard, she couldn't help but stay aware of everyone surrounding them. It was as if she anticipated something catastrophic to happen at any given second.

Purchasing a car seat, stroller, and tons of cute little outfits for Eleana that Maura mostly picked out, Jane made sure every check was made out to Julianne Vindel. Throughout the whole thing, Jane was patient, uncomfortably out of place and extremely paranoid and anxious, but patient. They filled her new little car up with all the baby's new gifts, setting up the car seat in the parking lot, Maura felt so much better about her being in the car.

They silently made it back to the apartment and internally dreaded having to drag everything four stories high. At the end, Maura was relieved to be finished with the miserable work out. Warming a bottle for the baby, she settled onto the bed and began feeding her.

"I have to take care of something." Jane dropped the last two bags near the entrance of the bedroom, going straight to the window right after. "But I won't be gone too long."

"Be safe." Maura called out not receiving a reply. She had no idea what Jane was going out to do, but every time she left there was always that chance she may never come back. Ryan was the third dead from the Doyle Irish mob and they were already furious with Jane after the first two, not including the baby she stole. Slowly Jane was killing them one by one, and Maura always feared the day her luck would change. She was not playing with fire but fucking magma. These men were a small army of brother's, uncles, cousins, nephews, and extended family she couldn't keep track of. They were dangerous and Jane was toying with them, fucking with them, killing them, and stealing their style by leaving them her own messages.

It terrified her.

After burping the baby, she changed her into pink warm footie pajamas, kissing her soft cheek before placing her down to sleep in the small carriage. "You're so beautiful." She told the infant who could no longer keep her blue eyes open.

The sound of the front door opening and closing captured her attention. Jane hadn't been gone longer than an- The person in the door way was not Jane. "Hey Maura." The tall muscular male smiled in a way that made her nervous. "Where's Janie?"

"She had to take care of something." The way he approached her didn't seem right and when he didn't stop, she knew something was very very wrong. "Wha- what are you doing?"

The fear in her eyes encouraged him to forcibly take her by the arms and pull her into his much stronger body. "I'm just having a little fun." He stared hungrily into her fear wanting to fuck her since meeting her years ago. "Relax, Maura. This will be much more enjoyable for you if you just relax."

"Tommy, no! You can't-" Her words stopped as she was forced onto the mattress with a very strong body following, covering her struggling frame with his powerful one. "No! Sto-" A large hand covered her mouth while the other kept her hands pinned above her head. Eyes wide, they began to tear up as she felt him thrust against her.

"You feel me, Maura?" He grinned wickedly making sure she felt what was coming. "You feel how hard I am for you? You're about to get fucked so good. Tonight's your lucky night." He replaced his hand with his mouth, making sure to keep her quiet as his hand descended between her legs. "You're pussy's so tight, I'm going to enjoy fucking you. I'm going to fuck you so good." She closed her eyes allowing the tears to fall. She felt helpless against him. He was much stronger and struggling only made him more aroused. Lying there, he would rape her and then it'd all be over.

He never had the chance.

Jane pulled the trigger three times expertly putting three holes into the wooden floorboards. One inches above Tommy's head and the other two on either side of his ears. Her boot connected with his throat and she made sure he stared up the barrel of the loaded gun. He was too afraid to speak, shaking his head no instead of pleading. "Get out." She released him and he immediately did what he was told.

"Jane-"

There was no comforting the woman silently crying, reaching out to her. The former detective took her arms and lied her back down onto the bed, staring boldly into her panicked gaze. "I can't guarantee that it won't happen again." She explained harshly. "I can't guarantee I will be there to stop it next time. What are you doing here?!" She demanded ignoring the loud cries of the screaming infant. "If you're not here to kill me than what the fuck are you doing here?! Leave the country, you are not safe with me and you're not safe in Boston."

"Please Jane," Maura cried breathing heavily. "Eleana." The hands pinning her down let go, and on shaky legs she got up from the bed, going straight to the distressed child. Speaking softly to her through her own tears, she said nothing as Jane stormed out of the room.

Kicking in the rotting door, it flew off the hinges, disrupting another one of her little brother's whore parties, she took her gun out and put four bullets into the large flat screen TV. "What are you doi-" He crossed the room with intentions of stopping her from killing his electronics. The gun was back in his face.

"Frankie always had my heart." She stared him dead in the eyes using her words to hurt him instead of the gun. "I never cared for you. You were always a piece of shit. Don't think for one second I wouldn't hesitate killing you. You're nothing to me, you're disposable Tommy. I wish they would have killed you instead of poor Frankie." No one in the room could breathe as they waited to see the outcome of the conversation. "Dr. Maura Isles is mine and anyone who touches what is mine will never have the opportunity to touch anything else again, do I make myself clear?!" The few men in the room replied, 'yes vindel.' And it was only her brother who stayed quiet, just staring strangely at her.

"You're sick, Jane. You have fucking mental problems, you need help! You do some fucked up shit and you like it, you were smiling at that guy while you fucked up his mouth. You enjoy it you sick bitch, and if ma were to see some of the fucked up shit you do she'd be fucking disgusted. She'd hate to see the sick person you've become."

Her brother's words were designed to hurt her, they didn't work. "You seem to forget, Tommy." She lowered the gun and continued calmly, "Ma can't see anything anymore."

And then she smiled.

Silently, she slipped into the small apartment, stealthily, and undetectable. There was nothing to fear walking around in the dark. Furnishing the small, old, run down living room wasn't a priority. The money she spent on the building, making the two apartments functional, was enough of an investment. Her home was buried six feet underground-

She had no desire to properly build another.

'You can't keep living like this.' The voice of a haunting ghost appeared following a false silhouette. She didn't see them right away. They waited over a year to appear. The first time freaked her out, she almost took her gun out at them, but resisted. Quickly realizing they would never harm her, it was their appearance... Their appearance that always startled her.

Standing a little above her height was the illusion of her brother, Frankie. He didn't quite look like himself. There was red sharpie ink circling his humble eyes, and a line drawn across his neck in the same color, matching the Frankie in the picture left at the crime scene. 'And how am I supposed to live?' She never spoke out loud to them. Their conversations always stayed inside of her head, the unstable place they called home. 'I don't know how to live anymore.'

'You have great help.' He smiled walking over to the bed, staring down at the sleeping woman. 'It looks like she cried herself to sleep, Jane.'

Leaning against the doorway, she could only stare at her dead brother, feeling the weight of the night heavily on her mind and shoulders. 'She probably did. I can't believe she's still here, Frankie. She should go, she needs to go. How do I get her to leave?'

'Leave?' The smile on his face only grew bigger. 'Do you know how hard she worked to get here? She risked her life coming here, Jane. You really think screaming at her will work? Come on, she's been through so much with you, and this is just another episode, another test for you two to pass together. The hard part is over for her. She finally found you-'

'Why is she here?!' She began screaming at the illusion, almost shouting out loud. His calm casual demeanor only made her more upset. He made it sound so easy, so fucking easy. 'Do you realize how much she has hurt me, Frankie? Do you realize she's the reason you're dead? This isn't just another episode... It's a whole fucking soap opera! And I play the role of a person who isn't me. I have a list of so many names, Frankie, and I know exactly how I want them dead, and I crave their blood. I want their blood on my hands so bad...' She moved to the window just to move, sick of standing still. Fidgeting in the moon's kind light, she had to move again.

The window...

Obsessing over windows was her new life. She never understood OCD. Occasionally watching tv shows revolving around the subject, she would laugh. How crazy the people seemed, flicking a light switch on and off twenty times, before leaving a room. Having to count each step, starting all over when stepping the 'wrong' way- And now, she couldn't stop the invisible force pulling her to the transparent glass of windows, luring her in like a mindless insect to light. Fucking windows, they had so much control over her, beckoning her to sometimes stare out them for hours...

Pacing silently in the dark, she stopped. Watching Maura sleep, a part of her wanted to reach out. Living in a past reality, she would kiss her wet cheek, tasting the barest hint of a salty tear, and promise everything would be alright. 'Its eating me alive. Tommy's right, I do enjoy killing them. It feels... It feels good.'

'Don't kid yourself, Jane. You're still a hero.' He walked, wearing a bloody uniform, and stopped in front of her. 'Look at what you're doing for these two kids. You're changing their lives for the better.'

'I hate that he's there, Frankie.' She spoke suddenly, sadly. 'If anything where to happen to him, I don't know what I'd do.' Guilt was becoming a frequent visitor, it tortured her daily. Taking advantage of her emotions, what little remained inside of her, she'd sometimes wake up gasping for air suffocated by the unforgiving feeling. 'He reminds me so much of you, I can't lose him. I wish I would have never-'

'Stop, you know he needs to be there. You can't do this alone, you need him there Jane. He wants to be there. The feelings you have for Darrel, he has them too, and he wants to stop him, all of them, just like you do. Just stay focused, and keep working hard, I know you. Everything will fall into place perfectly. Trust me.'

'How can I trust you? You're imaginary. I've created you.' The image of her brother blurred, slowly morphing into someone different. 'And you always change.' There stood the boogie man, dressed in all white, scalpel firmly in place. The blood staining his shirt was still a gratifying sight.

'Jane, how lovely you look today.' Hoyt complimented with a familiar stare, a gaze desperately wanting to posses, kill. 'You're severely under weight, my love. As a doctor, I feel compelled to voice my concern.' He closed the gap between them, running his nonexistent hands over her body. 'I can feel you're bones and they feel... so... nice.' His breathless words seemed so real, they forced her back against a wall. She didn't want him there anymore, but for some reason, he wouldn't leave. 'I wish, I could hold them, taste them without all that flesh in my way.' He laughed coming closer.

She sank to the floor backing frantically away into a near by corner. 'You've made me so proud, Jane. If I were still alive, we could be an unstoppable force. You and me, killing side by side, satisfying our everlasting quench for blood. You understand me now, don't you Jane? The feeling of taking away life, watching it slowly leave the body, and being the cause- It's ambrosia. It feels like God. And you love playing God, don't you Jane?' He hovered powerfully above her, taking the scalpel from his chest, he held it playfully into the air. 'I love you so much, Jane. I wish I could take this scalpel to your breast, make a tiny incision and then tear out the flesh with my bear hands.' He began laughing joyously, like a little boy in a candy store. 'Did you enjoy torturing that innocent woman, Jane? Did she arouse you, where you getting wet listening to her-'

"Go away!" Screaming from the top of her lungs, his image dissipated into thin air, leaving her shaky and breathless. The cries leaving her body were brutal. She screamed curling herself into a ball, sobbing against the tattered wall. "Go the fuck away!" The hands that appeared, wanting to soothe, ease her pain, weren't welcomed. "Just get the fuck away, please..." A healthier body and mind willed her broken one against it, running loving hands through her hair. There were parts of the dark tresses matted with blood, but it wasn't enough to scare the warmth, enveloping her decaying body, away. She was held tighter, and encouraged to release the demons out. Screaming into the dark nook of a loving embrace, she released everything until she could only breathe. Too weak to do anything else, she stayed lifeless against the woman kissing the disgusting skin on her face.

"You need to sleep, Honey." She was gently urged at arm lengths, watching the hazel eyes closely examine her. They scanned every inch of sun-kissed skin, trying to make sense of what they saw. There was a sense of horror lurking behind them. If the doctor knew, if the doctor only knew why she was covered in so much blood... She wouldn't be cupping the side of her bony face so affectionately.

"Lets go to bed." She allowed attentive hands to take the hem of her shirt, carefully urging the bloody material up over long dark tresses. Those same hands helped her stand and she watched with detached curiosity controlled fingers move to the waistband of her black jeans.

An image, a memory, filled her reality and it took her back to the door frame. For several seconds, she watched them, on the bed, her brother about to take a very helpless woman she once cared about - That wasn't the exciting part.

Clothes out of place, sweats half way down, pinned to the bed, she screamed at her, wanting her gone. The reason, she wasn't safe with her. Almost losing herself to an evil desire, she wanted to rip the material off, revealing a beautiful petite body. She wanted to... "Sit down and I'll get your shoes off."

Taking a seat at the edge of the bed, she watched the doctor kneel, removing her boots, and then followed her up with hungry eyes. "Wait." Fueled by a wicked desire, she once again found the ability to ignore her body's plea for rest. Another transformation was taking place... this one very real. "I've gotten blood on you." Towering over the puzzled doctor, the urge to take her was becoming more and more unbearable. "I can't guarantee your safety anymore." Her eyes were dark, a sinister desire slowly seeping into them. "You should have left tonight." Ignoring the strange look in her eyes, she focused on unveiling the beautiful body that belonged to her. "But you keep refusing." Her tone dropped an octave, becoming a seductive purr. "How long have you wanted me, Dr. Isles?"

"Lets go to bed, Jane." She could feel the color in her cheeks turn crimson. "Lets get some sleep, Honey. You need to sleep." The sudden change in behavior supported her suspicions of a distorted mental state where a loss of contact with reality was taking place. "You're not yourself right now, Jane. Please you have to listen to me." She was violently urged onto the bed, pleading as her back hit the mattress. "Listen to me, Jane. You have to snap out of it, Honey." Her slim waist was straddled by the former detective, a predatory grin shaping her lips.

"Would it make your heart leap whenever I caught your stare?" The episode gave her the strength of ten men and all of the power was used to take what she wanted. "Did you ever wonder why I stared back?"

"Please Jane-"

"I was waiting..." Further dipping her head, she stopped mere inches from the supple lips begging to be taken by her own. "For your mouth to show me what your mind was thinking. " Eyes hooded, she began moving her body subtly against the doctor's, hearing a sudden sigh as she deliberately nestled a thigh between her legs. "Have you ever imagined me above you like this?" She went to take her lips, and then paused as the doctor's head fell back, eyes closing as she released her captured hands. "Have you ever orgasmed thinking of me, Dr. Isles?"

"Yes." She never was able to lie. Devouring the delicate skin of her neck, Jane was ruthless nipping at her pulse point. Allowing her lips to linger there, she felt the racing heart of the woman beneath her. A memory flashed, Maura a server at the lesbian bar. With a head turn, she was faced with perfect breasts, barely hidden by a tight red top. In that moment, she felt desire instantly and it scared her. Absolutely fucking terrified her and now, as her hand cupped the soft flawless mound, teasing the begging skin, she knew there was nothing left to fear. The doctor had felt it too, desire. Underneath their playful banter, it lied patiently waiting behind hazel eyes in the mind of the intelligent woman. An innocent sleep over would reveal her role in a spoken dream. How often did she envision the night the delicate bud of her breast would surrender to the warmth of her mouth hardening instantly against her teasing lips-

A sharp intake of breath filled the air as desperate hands buried themselves deep into her dark hair. Staring up, she used her tongue to tease the other breast feeling slender hips move more urgently against her. Is this what she wanted? Did she find her in an attempt to experience her dream orgasm? Why else would she be there? After shooting the stranger she claimed as her blood she wanted nothing to do with her. Why was she there? What was she doing?! The face of her family came to mind, the picture of them from the crime scene, that fucking message...

"Please, Jane. Please stop-" She swallowed the pleaded words in a possessive kiss expressing all of the hate to the woman she was so engrossed with fucking. The lips moving as desperately as her own were soft and persistent. They kissed her back with just as much passion but the doctor didn't understand. Did she? Breathless, she broke away needing air. "Stop Jane, not like this. It can't be like this. Please-"

"Please what?" She was toying with her, sucking on the silver ear ring, and then moving back to the soft skin of her neck. The doctor's words begged her to stop but her body wanted to finish. The way it moved against her said everything but stop begging to be taken by her like in the fantasies she woke up to. Confused by the sound of her name in the late hours of the night, the sleeping woman would sigh it breathlessly making her blush.

"Not like this, Jane." She pleaded with hands pulling her closer instead of pushing her away. "It shouldn't be like this."

She lifted her head wanting to peer into her eyes. "Not like this?" She repeated softly, feeling the need to possess her disappear. A strange numbing sensation replaced arousal with confusion. "What do you think this is?" She wondered out loud, stretching her body out completely over hers. There was no clarity in anything she was saying. The episode seemed to be getting worst. "I love you, you know I love you..." A drop of blood landed on the doctor's chest it's vibrant color beautifully highlighted in the moon's light. "I lo.. love you... Maura..." The droplet of blood began to blur and then her vision began spinning in fast circles. She felt her mouth continue to move, felt strong vibrations in her throat, but couldn't hear a sound.

And then everything went black.

"911 what's your emergency?"

"This is Dr. Maura Isles and I need medical assistance immediately. We are on the fourth floor of the complex across from Parker Hill apartments in Roxbury Crossing zip code 02120. I am with a Caucasian female age 35 violently convulsing from a surge of abnormal electrical activity in the brain, my guess would be a result of severe sleep deprivation. I've witnessed signs of the prodromal phases of psychosis. She may also be reacting to long term affects of anorexia nervosa. I'll be worried if the seizure hasn't passed within 3-5 minutes. We're currently at 2 and a half since she's started. Once she settles down, I'll turn her onto her side to allow adequate air flow into the trachea. We're now approaching the third minute. Where's the ambulance?"

**Several voices appeared out of nowhere, she opened her eyes. Lying on her back, she stared up finding herself on a hospital bed. There were several doctors and nurses surrounding the chaotic bed side. The scene was scary. A loud alarming beep suddenly announced her failing heart. "Am I really watching my own death?" **

**"Could be worst." A male voice suddenly appeared behind her, she looked up to find her brother Frankie flashing her a teasing smile. "You could be having your eyes tore out and your throat sliced opened." **

**"Frankie!" She immediately ran into his awaiting arms pulling back to look at him. This version of her brother looked normal and she held him, feeling him. He was real. "I've missed you so much." She held him again, wanting to cry but not being able to. The air around them felt so good, everything felt amazing. "I must be dead." She realized staring up at the movie playing in the sky. "Did I die, Frankie?" **

**They both continued to watch the feature that was her life slipping away. "You were having a seizure. The doctors couldn't get it under control. You wouldn't stop convulsing so they put you in a coma. Your heart showed complications and then it stopped. But you're not dead. They're keeping you alive." **

**"Then why am I here?" She looked around and saw only white except for her life playing above them. "Where am I?" **

**"You're not dead, but you're very close to it." A female voice joined them and she saw her mother and father appear. She ran to them, embracing them, feeling them. "Mom, dad." She whimpered holding them both to her at the same time. "I love you so much. I haven't been the same since you left." **

**"We know." Her dad commented receiving a light slap from his ex wife. **

**"Don't listen to him, Jane." She kissed her daughter's cheek and then pulled away. "We still love you, nothing you do would ever change that." **

**"I've done a lot of bad things." As she spoke, she couldn't feel the guilt normally associated with the subject. All she could feel was this vibrant happiness flowing through her... body? They all stood in the strange reality wearing white. Her parents seemed younger, healthier, and stronger. Frankie looked amazing, better than any movie star back on... earth? Was she still in a body? Was she still on earth? Was she a ghost? An angel? "I had to stop myself. This was the only way." She looked back up at her life. "I lost control of it, and it took over everything." Brother and sister playing in the yard came to mind. "I stopped having boundaries and I wanted to kill just to kill. Because it felt amazing, it felt amazing to play God." Watching the team of doctors finish up with her comatose body, she wanted so badly to reach out and somehow get them to stop. "They need to let me die." **

"How is she?"

"Results of cranial computed tomography and magnetic resonance imaging scans were normal, but an EEG recorded an abnormality in the left temporal lobe. Unrelenting electrical discharges from neurons were forcing her limbs to contract and release without pause, it's called status epilepticus . When left untreated it can go on for hours destroying muscles and killing neurons. It's very different from a typical three to five minute epileptic episode. They administered 8 milligrams of Ativan, two milligrams every two minutes, but she still continued to seize." Her gaze remained on the young sleeping infant in her arms, never looking up. "Next they increased the dosage to 15 milligrams and there was no improvement. They put her under general anesthetic to protect her heart and brain while administering a steady dose of phenobarbital. They had to intubate her to protect her from choking, and then ventilate her to prevent respiratory failure. They've medically induced coma, and her vitals are finally stable after being resuscitated from cardiac arrest."

Several tubes, connected from machines, were inserted into various parts of the fragile body sprawled out over clean white sheets. They were inserted deep into the throat and veins of the arms. Several wires stayed connected to a dark scalp silently recording various parts of the brain in the form of high and low wavelengths. "What's wrong with her?"

"We can't know for sure until all the tests come in." Placing the five month old into the car seat, she buckled her in preparing to leave. Having lost track of the many hours spent in the hospital, she decided to leave Tommy alone with his unconscious sister. "I have to go feed Bass now." She spoke to the sleeping woman carefully running her fingertips up and down the back of her thinning hand. "Have sweet dreams." Going into pathologist mode had kept her from falling apart. After the paramedics carried Jane's convulsing body away, she immediately got Eleana ready and followed them to the hospital, sitting in the lobby the rest of the night. "I love you, Jane." The doctors were wonderful giving her hour to hour updates, listening to her recommendations, and confirming most of her suspicions. "Please don't be gone too long."

**Her, Frankie, Mom, Dad at the beach years ago when she was twelve. "You can thank your sister for this." The picture hanging on the wall, in her childhood home, was ignored as she quickly turned her head. "What she did to Paddy will be nothing compared to what's coming to you, kid." With steady hands, a large man, who closely resembled her in age, drew thick red circles around her brother's fearless eyes. "You think you're so tough?" With the same marker, another line was drawn across his throat. "I'll fix that."**

**"Frankie! No!" She felt paralyzed watching the scene take place from an adjoining opened door. A knife was revealed from the assailant's back pocket, and it neared dangerously close to a handsome face resembling her own. "Frankie, I'll kill him Frankie! I swear to fucking God I'll kill him for this!" The hysteric screams weren't heard, she seemed invisible to them. **

**All she wanted was to save her brother but instead she was forced to watch him die. "Do you hear me?!" The veins in her slender neck strained as she continued screaming, feeling the oxygen catch fire in her lungs; they burned from the rage exploding inside of her. "Don't ever fucking think you won't see me, Darrel Doyle! Not only will you see me, you'll fucking fear me! I'll destroy everything you value, and leave you alive with nothing but you're own pathetic worthless reflection you sick piece of shit!"**

**He plunged the knife deep into a fearful eye socket, turning the black hilt from side to side, laughing hysterically at the blood spilling. The red fluid left the policeman drenched in its stickiness "Frankie..." She called out helplessly a final time. "I'm so sorry, little brother." He no longer made a sound as his head lolled to the right, resting on a broad shoulder.**

**"Uncle Darrel." A woman appeared from another door bringing her arms out to hug him. "He's still breathing. He must have fallen unconscious from the pain. Let's do his throat now. Finish the job."**

**"Maura? Wh- How-" A second of thought was all it took for realization to strike. She was apart of this. "Was it your hands who tied him up?!" She demanded feeling everything inside her heart turn upside down. "Or did you come up with the cute sharpie idea?" The cold doctor finally turned to greet her. The smile on her face sending shivers down her spine. "Why did you do this?!"**

**"For Paddy." A small shoulder strapped Italian bag hung from under arm. Slightly maneuvering, a silver hand gun was revealed from inside. "You'll never hurt uncle Darrel, Detective Rizzoli. I'll make sure of it." The gun was aimed at her paralyzed body and all she could do was stare in astonishment at the shooter. "Goodbye, Jane."**

**"Aagghhh!" Immense pain shooting up from the bullet wound settled in her head causing blinking stars to appear rapidly in and out of her vision. They came and went so quickly she had to close her eyes to keep from vomiting. "Pills, pills, pills." She chanted to the woman carefully lowering her much taller frame onto the plush queen mattress.**

**"The wheelchair would have prevented 95 percent of the pain you're in, Jane." A damp wash cloth was pressed against the perspired skin on her brow.**

**Feeling the cool relief, she fell deeper into the sea of pillows wanting to drown in the intoxicating comfort. "But then I would lose 100 percent of my dignity." She opened her eyes to the sight of the kind doctor soothing her heated skin. "I'm finally using the bathroom by myself, I should be able to walk into a house and lay in a bed without a wheelchair."**

**"Just a Maura." She chuckled at her own joke and Jane could only stare at her.**

**"Just get my pills?" She reminded with her own half chuckle and then regretted it seeing the stars again. There were hundreds of them.**

**"Let's see what we have here." The petite woman wearing an expensive imported dress from Australia slipped on thin rimmed reading glasses and began scanning the names of the 5 prescription bags on the night stand.**

**Through the pain, Jane couldn't help but wonder how the shorter woman was able to half carry her into the house in thin high heels. "Are those new?"**

**Pausing in her reading, hazel eyes briefly glanced up noticing the detective's gaze on her feet. She went back to reading barely able to hide her excitement. "Yes, they're 5.3 inches high with a .08 wedge, and they're very rare. Pollini only produced a handful full of them this year. They arrived just in time to celebrate your home coming." A smile was sent her way and then she looked up thinking a second. "Well, my home, your coming."**

**"They look as expensive as they sound."**

**"Yes, well, lately I'd been under some stress so I thought why not?" One out of several orange bottles was popped opened by graceful fingers and she felt like a kid being rewarded with candy. "Acetaminophen and oxycodone." The pain pill was handed to her with a glass of water. "Also known as Percocet 10/650 because it contains 10 mg of oxycodone hydrochloride and 650 mg of acetaminophen. Consider your pain gone."**

**"Finally." She handed the empty glass back. "It's actually not too bad." No it could have been unbearably more painful, she thought watching Maura read through another informative prescription sheet. The whole day replayed in her mind flashing before her eyes. Seeing Maura okay in the elevator, smiling at her as the doors closed, hearing the gun shots, watching the doctor save her brother, being held hostage- The chaos was still so fresh. She had to bury it away, deep into the dark depths of the mind, to be able to go back out there.**

**Keep Boston safe.**

**"I'm just glad I took the bullet and not you." The detective was met with a suddenly curious gaze. "This is what I signed up for, I can deal with this. I just- I don't know what I'd do if- I can't lose you, Maura."**

**"I'm not going anywhere, Jane." Setting the papers down, she took a seat on the edge of the bed. Seeing the vulnerability etched plain as day on her face, her hand was taken into a warm lap remaining there as she spoke. "You look tired."**

**"Funny you say that, I was just thinking I'd go take a jog maybe find a marathon to run..." The pain medication was taking immediate affect and for some reason, she wanted to express so much of herself to the amazing woman holding her hand but found herself weakly joking instead. Not hesitating the doctor had offered her a home without stairs and all of her company. She took a leave of absence from work to dedicate all of her time to her gunshot recovery. Words couldn't express how lucky she felt having Maura Isles in her life.**

**She'd take a bullet to the abdomen, fuck, even head if it meant keeping her best friend alive. **

**"A healthy sense of humor is a great indication that you're recovery is going very well." She commented brightly.**

**"That and I'm not dead." She mumbled feeling a wave of exhaustion suddenly wash over her. She fought it hard wanting to sit with the doctor a little longer. She was incredibly gorgeous today, her mind hazily thought. "I just want to get back to work. I'm tired of laying, tired of physical therapy, tired of doctors." She added the last part staring playfully at Maura. "I want to catch a bad guy and then grab a beer-" She cried out suddenly narrowing her eyes at the doctor quickly drawing back her hand.**

**"I'm sorry, Jane. I worry. A traumatic pseudoaneurysm of the infrarenal abdominal aorta is serious. I just like to make sure everything looks and feels okay."**

**"I'm tired of doctors." She emphasized again head falling back into the heavenly bed. The sheets, pillows- everything about the bed was different from the last time she'd been there. The bed was amazing then but more amazingly comfortable now. The doctor made sure she'd recover in a bed meant for a queen. It must have cost a small fortune, she thought wanting to feel bad but couldn't. The desire to lay in bed with Maura all day drowned everything else away. "I just want you, not Dr. Isles. Please?"**

**"Okay. I promise to quit medically examining you." The bed shifted and her hand was released as she stood up. "I have a surprise." She spoke before Jane could protest. Having her nearby felt good, touching her even better. With heavily hooded eyes, she watched her friend leave and then lit up like a Christmas tree when she came back.**

**"Joe Friday!" The dog immediately ran up to her licking ecstatically at her face. "My baby." She cooed missing the long white haired stray. "Are you okay? I'm sorry I left you alone. Maura take good care of you? You can be honest..."**

**The doctor chuckled from the doorway, walking deeper into the room. "Her and Bass play like elementary school children." The body was back next to hers and she looked up, meeting the doctor's hazel eyes. "You two are adorable. Did you have a dog growing up?"**

**"A couple." She grumbled thinking back to mostly eaten shoes, potty accidents, and unrelenting barking in the middle of the night. "I never liked dogs. They smell, they bite, they pee, in the house, and they're loud-" **

**"This is an interesting conversation to be having right now." An excited pink tongue continued to lick at her face and for the first time ever, she allowed Joe Friday the opportunity to lick as much as she wanted.**

**"Joe Friday is different." She released the dog, watching her hop off the bed to sniff at the tortoise entering the room. "This could be a children's book. The dog and the turtle."**

**"Tortoise." The doctor corrected whisking away strands of dark hair from her very tired eyes. "You can't keep fighting sleep, sweetheart." She was taken back to being five years old. A whining voice filled her head, 'I don't wanna go to sleep' she smiled at her own goofy thoughts feeling her head slightly loll- She picked it back up.**

**"I don't want you to go." The thought brought a moment of terror and then it disappeared. The world seemed so much better without pain. All she felt was this warmth, a happy go lucky feeling, was she living on a cloud? Random thoughts appeared, disappeared, and she reached out for the doctor taking her wrist, another goofy smile on her face. "Come into my cloud." She invited lightly pulling on her arm. "My thought bubble, my dreams, nightmares..." **

**"I don't want to hurt you." The worry couldn't be seen behind closed heavy lids. All she saw was darkness but she immediately shook her head no as the words registered seconds later.**

**"You could never hurt me." The idea of Maura causing any pain wasn't possible. "Lay with me.." The words trailed off as she felt herself slowly slipping away into the world of dreams. "You know you want to." The warmth of a body carefully holding her own brought another wave of intense euphoria. She nestled as deeply as she could against the doctor burying her face into the crook of her neck. The clean scent filled her senses and she fell asleep to the most gentlest of touches. **

**"I love you, Jane."**


End file.
